I was not humble last week.
Volatility is vitality and demands virtue
My community is suffering. I want fiat pain to end ASAP. So last week I moved 20% of my savings from a Bitcoin ETF to MicroStrategy stock to support Saylor’s Sound Money Catalyzing.
But buying was going to be hard:
MicroStrategy stock (MSTR) is volatile.
I’m four years a finance amateur.
I’m twelve hours a YouTube MicroStrategy analyst.
Every hour I spend studying when to buy is an hour not doing mission work.
Risking years of a savings
Everything was going well:
Deployed some Friday.
Had some cash over the weekend, as Japan’s crash moved BTC from 62k Friday to 50k by Monday. A little gift.
Deployed some Monday morning. I was grateful for this entry even though I missed the bottom by 20%.
Deployed the remaining Wednesday, higher than Monday. I was hoping to get a better entry than Monday of course, but I was happy to not have to think about the entry anymore and get back to work.
Then minutes after the last deployment, it crashed. MSTR fell off a cliff almost immediately. 11% in a few hours. Below Monday for me. And it could go further.
Pain came fast
I tried to refocus on my “day job” the rest of the day but it was hard to get my mind off of the quick unrealized loss. I was trying to figure out what happened, what I did, and what I could do better.
I felt like I betrayed my community, even with the non-pro expectations mindset going in:
That 11% is going to be lifetimes’ worth of savings in the future so that means I can help fewer people.
The entry matters because I’m not trading this.
Most of my work doesn’t produce an income.
Consequences
I logged off around 7:30 PM to refocus. I went for a walk and a workout. But I couldn’t complete it. I was nauseous.
I wrote this in my notes app when I got home: “I feel sick.”
I didn’t sleep well.
The next morning I served a funeral Mass at 10 AM. I was tired, distracted thinking about yesterday, and trying to not think about what could be happening now.
A centenarian’s funeral
I’m a little embarrassed to share this next part. The funeral Mass I served was for Father Leo Ramsperger.
Rev. Ramsperger died at 100. He started his priesthood at 30. His casket was open, his body peacefully resting in the same parish he was baptized in in 1924. With a parish 7% full and a lifetime of service. I do not know his story, but a priest of 70 years in the Archdiocese of Toronto lived a life of sacrifice.
Perspective
In silence, during the Mass, staring at the Cross at the altar, listening to the reverent choir, the art, the bishop across from me, and all of that mental pain still there despite being very aware of how shortsighted it was (I was at a funeral) — I still got some perspective.
I got back for lunch and looked at my phone to see how my capital stewardship was going. Typically nausea means it’s a good time to buy, but I still had no idea what was next. An even worse entry would have hurt.
It was. MSTR didn’t follow as aggressively so I was still underwater (I bought the top of that week’s premium) but that’s not the point.
Was I humble, being okay with my knowledge level and that it could drop? No.
Was I trusting God’s provision of sats for my mission? No.
Will I get upset in the future if I invest again then it cliff drops? Probably.
Will it hurt? Yes.
Was it embarrassing that a centenarian priest who served for 70 years lay in a casket while I was suffering because I felt I failed my community regarding a trade? Yes.
And that’s the point.
You chose this mission
You chose this mission so future generations can have sound money. The volatility will make you feel like an idiot sometimes. So you “bring it to the Cross.” As a Catholic, this means our sufferings, when offered in union with Christ’s sacrifice, can become a tool for growth, healing, and service rather than a source of despair.
This doesn’t mean our suffering magically disappears. But it does mean:
We can grow in holiness and become more like Christ.
We can offer these sufferings for other people, the Church, or the world and mystically help other people in other places of the world (and purgatory).
We can actively participate in the ongoing work of Christ’s redemption.
So for me, I can acknowledge that I’m being dumb and even though I don’t understand this silly pain yet and how God wants to use it, I can still offer it up before receiving the Eucharist. This works best for me in silent prayer during the contemplative parts of the Mass.
“Not all of us can do great things, but we can do small things with great love.” —St. Teresa of Calcutta
Christ teaches and understands
As much as one internalizes Christ’s teachings on money, following the Gospel is still hard. We must try our best to:
Be wise stewards. Stay humble in the volatility.
Trust in God’s provision. We’ll have the bitcoin we’re meant to have.
But being a Bitcoin pioneer will still be hard. We’re probably going to have moments where the volatility hurts. Greedy. Ungrateful. Worrying.
Again, the point. Christ died for sins like these.
The future
Perhaps, in the end, our sacrifices will be forgotten in the glow of a Bitcoin standard. Maybe we’ll even be blamed and hated for the punishment that it seems we are due. Or simply a small summer Thursday morning funeral.
Yet, like the enduring faith of those who came before us, we press on. God sees all. In the quiet moments of reflection, I pray for humility, a virtue as timeless as the principles we champion.
Our journey has just begun.
“There is more value in a little study of humility and in a single act of it than in all the knowledge in the world.” —St. Teresa of Ávila
On Rev. Ramsperger
“Centenary funeral for a centenarian priest”
Leo Ramsperger was born on February 25, 1924 and baptized on March 9, 1924 in St Vincent de Paul Church by our founding Pastor, Fr Lancelot Minehan. He was the fourth of twelve (or more?) children in a family that lived on Howard Park Avenue. He went to St Vincent’s School and made his First Communion and Confirmation in our church. I suspect he was one of Msgr Kirby’s large troop of altar boys, many of whom became priests.
After being ordained a priest 70 years ago, Fr Leo Ramsperger served at a number of parishes in the Archdiocese of Toronto, and was Pastor of St Paul’s in Toronto, of Holy Martyrs of Japan in Bradford, of St John’s and St Cornelius in Caledon. Some time after his retirement from active ministry in 1997, Father retired to Maynooth, Ontario. More recently he resided once again in Toronto, and I was privileged to give him the anointing of the sick and viaticum a week ago. Father frequently sent donations to the church of his boyhood. Now we have the blessing and opportunity to give him a good send-off and pray for the repose of his soul.
Grant him eternal rest, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon him. May his soul, and the souls of all the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace.
Yours in Christ,
Fr. Daniel
Thank you, Fr. Ramsperger.
I liked how you wrote with such honesty and emotion. Brilliantly done! I also liked learning about the priest who served for 70 years.
great post! wonderful hearing about a priest who served for 70 years!